deepblu711 (deepblu711) wrote,

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"you're so fucked up you dont even know the disaster you caused" -Carbon Haze

nathan was hoarding all the peices, little animal things that click together to make a chain. the thin blow molded plastic only used in childs toys seemed so priceless cause i only had one peice, nathan had the rest. Sometimes i ask myself, how could i know? how could i know he just recovered from cancer? how could i know he was so fragile? but what really bothers me....... how did i know to hit him? how did i know those peices could be mine? would i do it again?

if i was a blank slate, why was my first writing done in blood?

i have taken note, i'm usually well remembered by people, a lot of people know me very well. I am however not present in many photo albums, its a dull pain cause you cant be sure of intent. maybe my family just doesnt have any pictures of me. maybe someone ran out of film. im scared because as my memory shifts, im afraid i'll lose the 29 happiest days of my life. i have no proof they ever existed, no documents saved, no pictures, no f**king metro tickets, no scars, no detention slips, no concert tickets. nothing. I've always said, if it's really important, you wont forget.

jeff was going after meatball just after lunch, maybe it was because i dont like jeff, or because i didnt feel like violence, but i stopped jeff from attacking meatball, for whatever reason, using whatever method. the next day jessica calls me "drew? are you sitting down?" "Yeah, why" "lacey likes you"

Ive been moody lately, which is odd because it doesnt usually happen. at least i can recognize it.

The happiest days of my past are gone, time to make the future better.
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